Managing Extreme Emotions

Follow these suggestions when emotional arousal is very high – so extreme that your ability to use your skills breaks down.


First, observe and describe that you are at your skills breakdown point:

  • Your distress is extreme
  • You are overwhelmed
  • You cannot focus your mind on anything but the emotion itself
  • Your mind shuts down; your brain stops processing information
  • You cannot solve problems or use complicated skills

Now check the facts. Are you really 'falling apart' at this level of distress?

  • If no, use your skills.
  • If yes, you are at your skills breakdown point.

Step 1

Use crisis surval skills:

  • TIPP your body chemistry
  • Distract yourself from the emotional events with wise mind ACCEPTS [this DBT skill is not currently on our website]
  • Self-soothe through the five senses
  • IMPROVE the moment you are in
Step 2

Return to mindfulness of current emotions.

Step 3

Try other emotion regulation skills (if needed).

Troubleshooting Emotion Regulation Skills:

When what you're doing isn't working


1. Check your biological sensitivity
  • ASK: Am I biologically more vulnerable?
    • Do I have untreated physical illness or distress?
    • Am I out of balance on eating, use of drugs, sleep, exercise?
    • Have I taken medications as prescribed?
  • Work on your PLEASE skills.
    1. Take care of physical illness and distress.
    2. Take medications as prescribed. Check if others are needed.
    3. Try again.
2. Check your skills
  • Review what you have tried.
    • Did you try a skill likely to be effective?
    • Did you follow the skill instructions to the letter?
  • Work on your skills.
    1. Review and try other skills.
    2. Get coaching if you need it.
    3. Try again.
3. Check for reinforcers
  • ASK: Do my emotions...
    • Communicate an important message or influence people to do things?
    • Motivate me to do things I think are important?
    • Validate my beliefs or my identiy?
    • Feel good?
4. Check your mood
  • ASK: Am I putting in the time and effort that solving my problem would take?
5. Check for emotional overload
  • ASK: Am I too upset to use complicated skills?
  • If yes, ask: Can the problems I'm worrying about be easily solved right now?
  • If your emotions are too high for you to think straight:
    • Go to TIPP skills.
6. Check for emotion myths getting in the way
  • Check for:
    • Judgmental myths about emotions ("Some myths are stupid", "There is a right way to feel in every situation")
    • Beliefs that emotions and identity are the same ("My emotions are who I am")